Yes, I’m still thinking about writing. 🙂
I wonder what would happen if I found out for sure that the more words I write the closer I’d get to God. Would I put pen to paper in furious fashion, write with breakneck speed to hear His voice and maybe even see His face? Or, would I falter, searching for the “right” words, pretending not to be fearful of what getting close to Him would mean for my selfish ambitions? It’s easy to think that Sunday-go-to-meeting Tracey would find the discipline she lacks somewhere in her breast pocket and allow her worship to extend onto the page. But what about I-don’t-feel-like-it-and-maybe-I’m-no-good-anyway Tracey who drinks coffee and watches BookTV only because she was told by someone she doesn’t remember that that’s what writers do?
Knowing that my writing would put me front and center in the throne room would also mean that I would have to fully expose the raggedy eccentricities that make me, well, me. Uh, not so sure about that. Of course, these so-called raggedy eccentricities would only be revelation to me (and those of you who care) because God knows, has always known, who I really am. He knows me WELL beyond my ability to use superfluous, fifty cent words to distract people from my inherent simplicity.
Huh. That’s a truth, I haven’t considered yet. A sneaky secret that has been hiding deep below my life’s sediment. I’m really very, very simple. And God knows it.
You see, over the years I think I learned that being complex was way more cooler than being simple. As a result, I wrote “deepness” into my emotional biography…even though it didn’t really fit. So, now, I think, God is asking something LESS of me. That sounds funny to say, doesn’t it? Even a little bit uncomfortable. Let me try it again. GOD IS REQUIRING LESS FROM ME.
I like it.
The fact of the matter is…I’ve spent most of life being more. Extra. Busy. And He knew better.
So in order for me to be the writer I need to be, an authentic scribe whose words bring her and those who read them, closer to the lap of the Father, I have to shed some skin. Do less. Just be, for a change. Any major transitions or deep excavations of my soul will most likely come from my stillness and I suspect will result in absolute truth in my words.
I like that. Just be, for a change. Better yet. For a change? Just be.
There I go trying to be deep again. Whew! I have my work cut out for me. 🙂